Have you ever….
Cleaned your refridgerator at 5:30 am?
Found 4 bottles of pickles – I don’t eat pickles, I think I should eat pickles, periodically I buy pickles and add them to the pickle collection – apparently
Three bottles of wine – I buy them for the nonexistant company that in my mind, comes to visit, and I classily offer them wine… in the wine glasses that are dusty and WAY up in the tall cupboard ( someone made me measure it. the shelf is 88″ from the floor to the bottom of the shelf. 7’4″ seriously). So, visualize how classy this is – they say ‘yes, they would have some wine’, bought by someone who knows nothing, nothing, NOTHING about wine. Then that said someone (that would be me) GETS UP ON A CHAIR, muttering, getting down dusty glasses, washes them, hasily drys them, puts the chair back, unscrews the wine bottle, and then walks classily back to the living room balancing two wine glasses like a toddling two year old carrying their goldfish bowl.
Four bottles of Mayo – three of which are open. – I got nothing here.
And three bottles of Aunt Jamima syrup and one bottle of ‘the good stuff’ that is apparently to GOOD to open and I am saving it for some monumental pancake fiesta.